Judson's Legacy

Hard Time of Year

Photo courtesy of Jenny McMasters Photography

This is just a hard time of year.  No matter how you slice it, I feel the aches and pains that began four years ago when we realized Judson was slipping through our fingers.  Each year I wonder whether the pain will dissipate, whether I will again feel the full ache of this season. 

Maybe someday.

But today marks four years since Judson’s trip to the doctor that changed the course of our lives forever and the sorrow is still incredibly deep.  My heart cannot help but feel what we felt as this journey began four years ago—the horror of watching our son suffer, all our desperation to hold on to him, all our cries to God, all our weariness, all our fears…fears of losing our beloved boy.  Fears that came true.

I miss Jud.  I miss him terribly.

Sometimes I wonder whether it should still feel like this, whether it should still be this painful.  But it is.  It is just so painful!

Yet, I am now four years closer to holding my perfectly whole son again.  I thank God for the hope!

Previous June 13th Posts:

Categories: grief

8 Responses to "Hard Time of Year"

  1. Traci says:

    Praying for God to surround you and your family with strength, love and smiles. God is keeping Judson safe.The day will come when you will reunite with him. He is your guardian angel and is with you each and every day. hugs and kisses-

  2. Tamie says:

    My heart aches with/for you too Christina. Love you!

  3. Michal says:

    I’m praying that you will feel an extra special touch of God’s hand over you. I’m so very sorry for the great pain that is entwined with your vast love for your precious precious boy.

  4. Sarah Dudko says:

    Thinking of you all always, God Bless, missin Judson with you xxxxx

  5. Carla says:

    Thinking of you and remembering your journey… Caring about your heart and lifting you up…
    Love, C.

  6. Cathy says:

    Hi Christina,

    I think the pain will always be there. I know someone whose daughter was physically abused by multiple men many years ago. He is a pastor and he still cries whenever he shares it to others. Just like the story of Job, what is so inspiring is that he and you and many others like you continue to choose to trust God no matter what.

  7. Freya says:

    Christina, It makes sense that yesterday would’ve been a hard day. I know how that feels… those days that seem forever marked in eternity. I think they are forever marked in eternity. I really believe they are because something happens spiritually in that moment… I think the angels may watch and wonder at how the frail human’s going to respond… and I know God is so pleased when His children respond in faith.

    I distinctly remember when I was reading your book how when you writing about the day Jud went to Heaven and how you quoted the scripture: "We do not grieve as those without hope". It struck me somehow… I had heard that scripture, of course, but I had never seen it applied by someone on possibly the worst day of her life, but I saw you do it… an act of deep, deep faith. I was deeply touched and encouraged. I continue to pray that your deep, deep faith carries you through the pains of this life after such deep, deep loss.

    Your sister in the deep, deep journey of faith,


  8. Cathy says:

    Hi Christina,
    I saw this video today and was really blessed by it. I hope you can check out the site too. http://www.biblesociety.ca/sites/default/files/e_scriptures/ecc3.swf
    I hope it will help you through this difficult season of life.

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