One of the hard and unexpected consequences of this experience with Jud is that I am having difficulty relating to the problems of other moms with young kids.  When I hear them talk about their challenges, I must admit that most things seem so minor to me in light of watching Jud suffer and die.

I don’t want it to be this way.

I want to be able to connect over common parenting issues.  But when I hear women describing their difficulties with illness, discipline, sleeping, feeding, etc., I can’t help but think to myself, “I watched my precious boy lose every capability, suffocate, and die in my arms.  I would give anything to endure those circumstances if it meant being able to hold my son again.”

Rather than engage the conversation, I tend to shut down and internally retreat.  To talk about my feelings would be to undermine or invalidate their experience.  I don’t want to do this-their problems are valid!!!! I know this to be true because before Krabbe hit our family, I would discuss these same issues; they can be truly challenging.

I want other women to feel like they can share their feelings around me, but I don’t know how to protect myself from the pain.  I want to be able to talk about the problems that face young mothers and not have it sting so badly. 

I feel like this is creating an even greater gap when I am desperate for a bridge.

Disclaimer: If you are a young mother reading this blog, it is simply intended to give insight into my heart.  If we interact, please don’t hesitate to share your journey with me.  Openly working through this issue is simply part of my road to healing.