Singing used to flow easily and sometimes unconsciously from my lips whenever I was listening to a song that had familiar lyrics or even in a time of community worship.  However, my journey over the last year has made me much more mindful of the words that glide off my tongue in song.  I want each chorus sung out of a genuine understanding of the words, while truly expressing the convictions of my soul.

Old, familiar songs now stop me cold with the sentiments expressed therein. 

And I ask myself…Do I really think this?  Do I actually live out of this truth?  Do these words resonate with the true longings of my heart?  If I sincerely believe these words, what will it cost me?

One such song that used to regularly and mindlessly stream from my mouth is on a Margaret Becker album from 1999.  I happened to randomly put this old CD in my car stereo the other day.  As I listened to the lyrics of “All That’s Left,” I found myself marveling that I used to effortlessly sing the words to this song.  Now they carry such significant weight and power. 

I’m not so strong, not so brave
Tripping along this life unpaved
And losing myself all the way
Yeah this is tough, yet still a gift
To be held here in Your grip
And so I go now
Through Your changes

And I’ll break down
If that is what it takes
I’ll be weak if it shows Your strength
And I’ll be glad at the end of all the change
If You are all that’s left in me
If You are all that’s left in me

With Your grace
Make me less
Fill me with Your brokenness
‘til I raise these hands
To Your lovely face

Ah, these changes
In the chaos You’ve ordained
Changes ‘til I am fully claimed
Changes ‘til only You remain

This song talks about being stripped of EVERYTHING until all that remains in me is Jesus Christ.  It depicts fellowship with the brokenness of our Lord and describes being weak so God can be made strong.

I used to sing these words??!!???

Did I think about them and what it might cost me?!!!??! 

Now I do.

Since rediscovering this song in the last week, I have found it difficult to sing. But yesterday, I was moved to belt it out with greater reverence, greater intentionality, greater awe, and hopefully greater devotion than ever before.

Though music may no longer flow easily from my lips, when I do sing, it surges out of the depths of my soul.