Five long years.
For more than five long years, I consistently prayed for God to intervene in a personal situation, unrelated to Judson, which impacted my daily life in some difficult ways. I felt the strains and stresses of the situation and begged God to alter the circumstances. This plight even arose on the heels of losing Jud, so these struggles got all wrapped up in my grief, making the pain of waiting for God to intervene all the more searing. And yet, God kept me waiting…
The theme of waiting has been woven into my writing repeatedly these last five years. I’ve experienced a great deal of hurt; it’s felt as though my cries to God were being been met with indifference. Is he listening? Has he turned a deaf ear to me? The waiting and the stillness from God tapped into some of my greatest spiritual wounds.
And yet, he whispered… Trust Me.
There were times I saw glimpses of how I thought God was going to move in the situation; but then he didn’t. Which made it hurt more. With the snap of his fingers God could have altered the circumstances. But he didn’t. Instead, he kept me waiting… and waiting… and waiting…
For five long years.
Then… God moved.
But not in the manner I had asked or expected. He took me even further into the pain—to the brink. He took me to a place where I felt every human limitation; I felt the boundaries of my inadequacies; I felt the margins of my weaknesses. I became acutely aware of the edges that keep me hemmed in.
My internal anguish sky-rocketed. For the first time in years, I wanted to numb the pain or find an escape. Had God left me behind somehow? Did he abandon me?
Even still, I could hear him continue to whisper… Trust Me. Trust me, even though you can’t see me in this, Christina.
It is so hard to trust God when we feel unheard by him or he seems absent, especially when we experience this for a really long time.
But then… after five long years… my waiting recently ended.
When God finally (as it felt to me) intervened, he altered my situation in a way that was beyond anything I had dared to hope or imagine. He generously answered my prayers. He substantially changed the circumstances. He brought peace where there had been unrest. He moved in sweet ways.
God calls us to trust him, whatever our circumstances. And he often asks us to wait. Sometimes the waiting lasts a lifetime, like my waiting to see my son again. Sometimes the waiting lasts for several years. And sometimes… the waiting ends. What a gift, when after a long season of waiting, God graciously shows himself anew, reminding us of his presence and love, while ever still whispering… Trust Me.