One of my favorite hobbies, photographing the daily life of our family, has lost much of its luster in the wake of Jud’s death.
Since losing my “sweet man”, pictures have become a glaring reminder of our loss, rather than a reflection of our joy.
It is not that I have stopped taking pictures, for I know the value of them now more than ever, but I have been slow to view and sort new photos. Editing them, posting them, printing them, etc., all the things I used to love to do, are of little interest. I just haven’t wanted to look at pictures that might have included Jud, were he still alive. This once favorite pastime now stabs at my already broken heart; each new image reflects the huge gap in our lives.
And though the photos are still being snapped, particularly of Jessie, I have found myself extremely reluctant to have the camera frame the three of us together-a “family” picture. Every time a photo is composed with Drake, Jessie, and me, the hole in our hearts becomes emblazoned on “film”. These pictures are incomplete-one person is always missing.
We will never ever have another picture of the four of us; never again will there be a complete Levasheff family photo.
In light of this, I have compiled the very first picture ever taken of our complete family, our very last, along with my favorite family snapshot…there is NO hole in these pictures!