Time is both a friend and an enemy.
Time may begin to lessen my pain, but time can also steal my memories.
I am afraid of having my memories of Jud fade.
Other than the videos and pictures we have, I know that over the duration of my life it will become harder and harder to recall the sound of Jud’s laughter, the twinkle in his eye, or the funny stories that reflected his darling personality.
It hurts to imagine that he may not always be in the forefront of my thoughts.
This is a season for me to ponder and cherish Judson in my heart.
I remember one day while I was changing Jud’s diaper, he had this inquisitive look on his face as he stared at mine. Finally, he blurted out his question, “Mommy, what’s that on your lip?” pointing to the large freckle on my lip that is usually covered by lipstick.
“Oh, that? Mommy has a freckle on her lip,” I replied.
Judson thought for a moment, and then responded indignantly, “Wipe it off!”
Just as my freckle cannot be wiped off, I want my memories of Jud to become a visible part of my life that cannot be removed, even over time.
I will do everything I can to cement the beauty of his soul in my mind.