Though I don’t even know the title, there is a song I periodically hear on the radio when I’m tuned in to the local Christian music station. Interestingly, every time I sing along with the lyrics, at one point in the song, although not the actual words, I find myself singing, “Your faith is enough!” Each time this phrase flows unexpectedly out of my mouth, I am surprised by my ad lib but also ponder the message I’ve just sung, wondering if God might actually be speaking these words to me.
Without fail, this leads me to tears.
From very early in my life, I became fearful of not meeting the expectations of those who are dear to me. Most of my energies were motivated by a desire for acceptance, causing me to bend over backwards to gain approval. The underlying presumption being that love is really only offered on condition. Therefore, I always wanted to make sure I met the conditions/expectations so love would not be withheld.
Meanwhile, this tweaked mentality spilled over into my relationship with the Lord. Though His Word clearly states that His love is without condition, I have struggled to live in this truth. I have consistently tried to please him with my actions, but always come up short. In turn, I feel as if He must love me less, perceive He could not possibly be proud of me, and live with a looming feeling of disapproval from Him. I think this may be a common plight of the human soul.
In the wake of losing Judson, I’ve discovered my sorrow limits my abilities, energies, and emotional reserves in most instances. This plays out in several areas of my life, including my relationship with God. I have been unable to “do” much of anything for Him; I have been unable to “gain His approval” through my actions the way I would attempt to do previously. Most of all, I have not met the self-imposed conditions/expectations that I have unconsciously, but incorrectly, established to warrant His affections.
However, the one thing I have had is faith. In my sorrow, I have continued to trust my Heavenly Father.
As the phrase “Your faith is enough!” has consistently poured from my lips, without lyrical prompting while listening to this song, it has felt as though God is speaking directly to my broken heart. I imagine Him picking me up in His arms, tossing me into the air, and then embracing me, saying, “I love you, Christina. You don’t have to do anything for my approval. I love you, and your faith is enough!”
Isn’t this the truth of salvation?!??! For it is by grace, through faith, that I have been saved. Nothing from me has warranted, or could increase His love. God’s love is a gift! (Ephesians 2:8)