I am concerned.
Our intent in sharing your life has always been for God’s story of hope and redemption to be told through your beautiful spirit and that your legacy be honored. But I am becoming concerned that people are easily forgetting that you are a person, a dear boy, our beloved son.
You are not a commodity to be used for gain. You are not a platform to be used as a springboard for someone’s soapbox. You are not a means to an end. You are not a tool to manipulate emotions. You are not just a nice concept.
You are a boy.
You are my boy and I feel so incredibly protective of you.
I have listened to the publishing industry talk about the “bottom line” with your manuscript, intent on monetary gain. I have seen people show your videos for cause-related events without ever actually acknowledging you. I have read rude comments posted to your videos on YouTube. I have seen your book underneath a pile of junk at someone’s house. I have even seen someone set their mug on your face as it graces the cover of your book.
What have we done that the sacredness of your life has become a coaster for somebody’s coffee? What have we done that the beauty of your character has been relegated to simply being a mechanism for organizational gain? What have we unintentionally done?
I cringe. My heart sinks at the thought. And although I trust that most people who come in contact with your life handle your story with appropriate respect…I know there are others who have not. It hurts. I recognize that no one loves you the way I love you. They do not know you the way I know you. They do not respect you the way I respect you. So they cannot possibly care for you the way I care for you. But…
This causes the lines to get blurry.
I am so sorry, Jud Bud. I am so sorry for any and every way you have been even remotely disregarded or disrespected in this process. It makes me want to rescue you all over again, sometimes yearning to retrieve every piece of you that is out there, pulling you close to me so I can safeguard your life and story. I desperately want to do right by you and see you appropriately honored here on earth but I am broken that there have been times others have not.
But I thank God you are being rightly honored in heaven—I bank on it every single day, certain our Father had a special place of respect prepared just for you, his little champ. I cannot wait to see you in glory. I often envision you running up to me with a shimmering crown slipping down over your eyes because it is two sizes too big, but filled with magnificent jewels. All the while you are saying, “Mommy, mommy, look what God gave me!” as you beam from ear to ear.
Judson, we want to continue to be faithful to walk through whatever doors God might choose to open for your story, but we also want to be careful, prudent, cautious. We pray for wisdom as we continue to seek to be good stewards of your little life!
I love you all the way to the moon and back, Buddy Boo!
With every fiber of my being missing you,