Though I cannot remember who, I heard someone recently say, “If you lose your parents, you lose your past.  If you lose your spouse, you lose your present.  But if you lose a child, you lose your future.”

Boy, this resonated with me!  Though I have not lost either of my dear parents, or my sweet hubby, and cannot speak to whether or not this quote is fitting in that type of experience, I sure do feel as though I lost a huge part of my future when Judson died.  All the zest for living was sucked right out of me and much of what I had envisioned for my life and our family was buried in the grave with my son.

I’ve had people encourage me to just carve out a new future, which may appear to be a simple prospect since I have Jessie and Drake and many other wonderful things in my life.  But no matter what is before me, I stare at a life filled with heartache and constant triggers of pain over the boy that would have grown, but is now gone, and the memories that stole my innocence.

While the world around me maintains a spring in their step and an enthusiasm for all the possibilities held by the future, I am wandering through the desert where every direction looks bleak and it’s hard to imagine ever running through lush fields of life again.

Father, will you give me hope and vision for my future here on earth while I wait for my future with You?