Judson's Legacy

Astonishment At Every Breath


I expect every parent has a sense of awe and wonder when they watch their child maneuver through life.  From the day both Jud and Jessie were born I have been amazed by the miracle of life, the development of character and strength in these little ones, and the gift of parenting.

But yesterday, as I was reading my friend’s blog who lost her one and only child to Krabbe disease less than two years ago, she described how her stomach constantly drops in disbelief over the healthy life of her new son, born to her a couple months ago.  Her words confirmed my recognition that the death of a child reshapes parenting at its very core.  When you have lost something incredibly dear, it gains significantly more value if experienced again.

Similarly, after watching my own flesh and blood, born of my womb, suffer and die, breathing his last breaths, I cannot help but stand in absolute astonishment at every single breath taken by Jessie Girl.  To know that she could have easily suffered the same fate of her brother, but by the grace of God was spared of such heinousness, it leaves me living on my knees in utter gratitude for her.  I am continually aware that there is not one part of this gift to which I am entitled and each moment I am given with my Ladybug is completely undeserved, unwarranted, and simply a blessing.

Several times a day I quietly watch Jessie in action—dancing, singing, smiling, laughing, joking, sleeping—my heart swells as if to burst out of my chest with joy and thankfulness.  Intimately living with the pain of losing a child makes me significantly more conscious of the miracle of life.  I have been blessed beyond measure to continue to be able to be a mama to Jessie.

The awe and wonder that I initially had with parenting has multiplied a thousand fold after losing my dear Jud Bud.



6 Responses to "Astonishment At Every Breath"

  1. hh says:

    Christina, I praise and thank God with you for Jessie’s life. What a MIRACLE that she does not have Krabbe!

    What joy fills my heart, too, that your friend has a healthy new baby, also free from Krabbe! Thank you, thank you, Lord!!

  2. lisa taylor says:

    Crazy isn’t it……. love you Jud and Jessie’s mommy!!!

  3. Sandy Mitchell says:

    You are an awesome mom, Christina. To Judson and to Jessie. They are miracles, each and every one of them. 🙂

    lots of love,

  4. kristy says:

    Thank you for reminding me of just how precious my kids are. Rather than just try to make it through the to-do list, I need to cherish each opportunity I have to care for them while they are with me here on Earth.

  5. angie Green says:

    Life is definitely a GIFT and we as moms who have had to say "goodbye for now" to bone of our bone, and flesh of our flesh know that "life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away!" Bless your mother’s heart as you continue to make your "journey through grief."

  6. Lora says:

    For the first 6 1/2 years of being a mommy, all I knew was caring for a disabled child. When our daughter was born, we cherished every tiny thing she did and it meant so much more to us! So, I really relate to this post. I am so thankful that you have your precious daughter and that she is free of disease! What a blessing she is!!!

Share Your Thoughts...

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.