We got a new (well, used but new to us) couch the other day, and after moving our previous, super-stained couch out of the living room into the garage and filling the empty space with our up-dated leather sofa, I plopped myself onto its cow-skinned cushions and a sense of sadness unexpectedly came over me.
We had owned our last couch for over 7 years and it’s the only couch Judson ever knew. Most of the blemishes came from the life of our little boy who jumped on it, slept on it, crawled on it, laughed on it, sang on it, and sat on it. So many memories of Jud occurred on or around that couch.
It is such a simple thing, but the act of getting rid of our old couch is like letting go of another piece of our son, another symbol that life must go on without him.
It is so hard to have life go on without him.
I am having such a difficult time letting go of anything associated with Jaden. I am trying to do small things but everything I change or move or toss out crushes me. It is a reminder that my son is not coming back, and we have no choice but to move forward. I hate this part so much. I open the door to his room, stare, then close the door. I don’t want a "new normal". Sorry to vent on your website. I just know you are a bit ahead of us in this journey and I look to you to know what comes next. Thank you. I miss my son so badly and it helps me to read about you missing Jud also.-Lisa Taylor (Jaden’s Mom)www.savingjaden.com