Dear family and friends…
A year and a half has passed since Judson passed.
As I reflect on the last 18 months, it is apparent that a year and a half without Jud is different than half a year…but that’s all it is—different! It’s not easier. It’s not harder. It’s just different.
There is something else I realized today as someone at Starbucks noted the picture of the little boy on the pendant around my neck, is that I no longer describe my loss as “recent”. A couple months ago I would be talking about Judson and mention that he “recently passed away,” then immediately get a little sheepish at the realization that no one else would probably describe his death as recent. Yet, today I was struck by the fact that my wound does not feel quite as fresh…not as raw…no longer new. This grief, this sorrow, it IS my life. What could once be described as something that shocked my life has now become my life.
Drake and I were talking a couple nights ago about all the challenges of living with this sorrow; it is as though we desperately desire to be “normal” again, but we must come to grips with the reality that this IS our “normal” now. The very fabric of our lives spiritually, emotionally, physically, relationally, has changed. We are not who we were before our boy got sick. We are different. And though we may long for the life we once had, it no longer reflects who we now are.
This is our journey. This is the road, the trail, the path that is leading us toward wholeness. I often wonder how I got here or why God chose this course for me, but it’s my story. I desperately wish my story could be different, but it cannot. And so I cry out to God , constantly begging him to do something with this broken life of mine.
Thank you for being part of our broken life. If you read about our journey, we consider you a part. And quite frankly, it means the world to us that people still care enough to read. The drama to the story is gone. The newness of the story has subsided. I believe it could only be love and compassion that keeps someone engaged and reading at this point. So thank you! Thank you for caring about a little family in Southern California that is living in sorrow.
Much love and gratitude,
Christina (on behalf of Drake too)