Drake asked me yesterday, “Do you think the worst is behind us or before us?”
Initially I answered his question stating that I thought the worst is still in front of us. But as I thought more about his question, I realized that whether or not we are in the deepest stage of our grief, I do not need to worry about the agony of tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each of my days has enough pain, in and of itself; there is nothing to be gained by thinking about the depths of pain that may be upon me tomorrow.
I have survived the last 7 months when there have been several moments I did not think I could take another breath. But then I breathe. And then I breathe again, filling my lungs deeply with air. And with each subsequent breath, I ponder the gifts I have been given, and realize that the intensity of my pain cannot even begin to compare with the gravity of the grace, love, and blessings that have been poured upon us by our Heavenly Father. Judson is one of those many blessings, and the reason the magnitude of our pain over losing him is so huge, is because he is such a tremendous gift.
Gaining perspective does not minimize my pain, but it does provide a more healthy lens through which I grieve, and even breathe.