Today is my last day living in my 30’s. Tomorrow is my big 4-0! This milestone has left me reflecting a great deal on the last ten years of my life.
When I was turning 30, Drake and I had been married 8 years. We didn’t have children (and didn’t even think we could have kids). I was meanwhile invested in my work at a local private college, teaching and overseeing their academic enrichment programs.
I vividly recall, on my actual 30th birthday, lounging by a pool with my friend. She was asking me some really good questions: Do you feel like you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing? Are you fulfilling your purpose? What do you think the next decade is going to look like for you?
I markedly remember looking at her, and with curiosity in my voice replied, “I feel like I’m using my gifts and doing much of what I am supposed to be doing, but I just feel like my message is supposed to be different. I’m supposed to be about something else, but I just don’t know what it is yet or how I’ll figure it out.”
Fast forward just two weeks later and we were utterly shocked to discover I was pregnant…with Judson. And everything changed!
This last decade has been filled with the highest of highs and the most devastating of lows. We have walked through some of the greatest gifts of our lives while also being torn apart by suffering, death, and loss. But one thing that has become abundantly clear, emerging out of this last decade, is that I now know with certainty what my message is. I know what I’m supposed to be about. And I know the mission to which God has called me.
Much of that is being fulfilled through Judson’s Legacy.
Thank you, Judson, for showing me my message and revealing my mission. I love and miss you so much!
I watched a sermon on Joyce Meyer Ministries were your story was told. I pray God continues to bless your family. Tears rolled down as I listened to your story. You’ve helped me realize that a small child can teach so much. Thank you for sharing Judson’s story with us. God bless.
I also was touched by your story tonight and also yesterday Jusdons story was told. I was stuck in a depressed state,not knowing why and I was drawn to tune into into Joyce Meyers program. God had a wake up call for me. I watched you cry and talk about Judson,and the love for him was so intense I felt and I feel for him. I have so much respect for you and your family and I so sorry for what you all have gone thru ,and especially the pain Judson had and he was so young to know what was happening to him. I needed to look to Jesus like your family has done and to stay close to him . You see God has told you you have to remain faithful to him and know that you will be with him again.God bless you with the comfort knowing that Judson is healthy and happy with The Lord and you shall be reunited with him again.
Happy Birthday, Christina. You are an amazing woman. I know Judson is so proud of the way you have taken over his ministry. Thanks for sharing such a beautiful gift.
YES and AMEN (Lyrics by Matt Redman)
Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven… I love you, my Juddy, and you my family with all my heart. We will all be together in Heaven and will see Jesus seated at the right hand of God and finally see His glorious face. Or is it the Elders surrounding Him and everyone praising and giving thanks. Through these tears I just cannot remember right now. Only for His Glory now and forevermore! Happy 40th birthday, Christina! May the first day of your 41st year on earth be as blast!
Precious Christina,
Your life reflects the love and light of Christ, you are a beautiful soul and I am so glad you were born!!!
Bless you Christian for your strenght and happy birthday.I saw your story on JM today and decided to check the website.As I reflect on my life(I will be 40 in August),you have encouraged me today again about GOD’s love inspite of. whatever we are going through.Enjoy your family and continue to be strong
Hi Mo…Thank you for your encouragement and for taking the time to find Judson’s Legacy after watcing us on JMM. I hope you have a wonderful 40th in August!
I watched you on Joyce meyer today!! You’re doing the lords work! You’re story was very inspiring , I just read your website and all about you’re beautiful little boy. It made me reflect on my life and helped put things into perspective ! Thank you and God Bless !!! happy birthday!!!
Hi Eileen…Your words are a gift and I am really touched that you took the time to learn more about Judson and our ministry. Thank you!
God always speaks through people.
Thank you so much for sharing your Judson and his message with us.
Wishing you the Best Birthday!
Thank you, Junko, for engaging Judson’s message with us and for the birthday wishes!
Hi, my name is Lorrie. I too saw Joyce this morning. I haven’t been able to watch her due to the change in the time of her show. I have two beautiful children in elementary school with very busy mornings. I was up earlier this morning and in missing my mornings with Joyce I found her at 6:30am. The dedication to Judson was just what I needed!!
On 9/11 of 2013 I got the horrific news that my pastors 2nd child Daniel (1of 3) had passed away through the night. His beautiful boy of 6 short years had cerebral paulsey. There were no present complications. He and his wife tucked the kids in like any other night. You can imagine the devistation felt by so many. I cried often each day for their loss. Then on Oct 4 my family got the news that my Beautiful Mother, 66yrs old had terminal cancer. She was gone 7 weeks later on Nov 22nd.
The last 7 months of my life have been a very painful blur and at times very vivid of what has happened. At the time of caring for her in her last week’s with us all I felt I had was God giving me strength that I could have never had on my own. And I knew that there were many blessings in action and to come through such pain and suffering. I have been in such a deep depression ever since hopelessly trying to feel the hope and blessings through all this. Why? How? What now? Much anger has risen in me. The pain in my Daddys face is unbearable at times for me. I feel unfunctional. My anger has never been at God though. He knows what he’s doing and who am I to judge, only trust!
So this leads me to tell you what a blessing I’ve had this morning to finally turn on Joyce after months of not watching and for the story of Judson to be the first episode I got to see! God spoke to me louder this morning to turn on that television or maybe I was just more attentive to listen to Him this morning! So bless you and your family and your beautiful son! May He continue to bless you and your loved ones with His eternal love and grace! Happy Easter! He has risen!!!
Lorrie here again:-) I also just wanted to add that….today April 17th is my Pastors birthday and mine was just 17 days ago. The Lord has his way of healing. All those first’s we have to go through without our loved ones…. may the 2nd’s somehow be less painful. As for my last birthday, it couldn’t have been over quick enough but I want all who are grieving to always look up no matter how far away He may seem. He loves us unconditionally and I will smile again on those special days weather with my eyes wide shut or open wide with tears of joy. I will smile again! He gave me life….she gave me life!
Happy b-later Birthday to you:-)
My heart broke as I read all you have gone through in the last 7 months, Lorrie, and I certainly relate to the “painful blurr.” I think God fully understands your anger and struggle, giving you the space to lament and hurt, while I am certain he is also honored by your desire to trust him in the midst of it all. Thank you for sharing a bit of your life with me and for taking the time find Judson’s Legacy and engage our journey. Sending you love. With hope, Christina
Dear Christina and Drake,
I watched you on Joyce Meyer this morning and the tears just flowed. Judson was such a beautiful little fella. My husband and I have and are still walking this same road of losing a child. Our precious daughter, Patti, was 19 when God called her home through a car accident in 2009. God has been with us every step of the way even when I didn’t want to take the next one. I too am looking forward to that happy reunion with our children when we all get to go home. God Bless You!
Oh Jewell, thank you for seeing into the precious boy that Judson is! I am SO sorry you know the agony of losing a child…it is such a long, difficult journey. Longing with you for the hope of eternity!!
Christina and Drake,
Thank you so much for sharing your story of your very special child Judson, I too had a very special child who passed about 6 years ago, she also had a very rare disorder (OMS). Which was not supposed to be terminal. But with the complications of it, she had issues that lead to her death. This disorder also attacks the brain so I am very aware of watching your child go through some very tough times. I can see that God is truly using your experience to bless others. God truly gives special children to special people. After recently watching most of the Heaven is for Real, movie I am so looking forward to seeing our children again. What a great reunion that will be. It is very comforting to know that our children feel no pain or discomfort in heaven, just joy. May God Bless you!!
Oh Janice, OMS sounds heinous and I am so, so sorry you know the pain of losing a child; it is such a difficult journey. Like you, I cling to the hope of eternity with each breath and live in anticipation of being in the presence of my Savior and reunited my son!
I just watched your story on Joyce Meyers. I am so touched by your story. Thank you for allowing God to use your pain. I really needed to hear your story today. I have many unanswered prayers and have dealt with a lot of pain, but I know is speaking to me that He still loves me and has a plan. Happy birthday and my heart and prayers are with you and your family.
Thank you for your encouragement, Stephanie. You are certainly not alone in having many unanswered prayers and dealing with a lot of pain, but I see that God is using you to bring hope and encouragement to others too. Blessings to you in your ministry and thank you for engaging Judson’s Legacy!
Just watched your testimony on Joyce Meyer…..my tears were of pain but also of joy. Your journey and Judson’s Legacy is all part of God’s plan and I thank you for sharing your beautiful child with us. I never got the chance to meet my child but I have the comfort of knowing I will one day. Thanks again for being God’s representative!
Hope… I wait with longing for both of us to be embracing our children one day. “Just a few more weary days and then…” Thank you for your encouragement!
Christina and Drake, I watched your testimony twice…no, I’m lying…I couldn’t watch it the first time. It was too painful. Sort of like turning away from a movie that scares or something you can’t handle. But you DID handle it and you LIVED through it and so, when the actual airing on TV came, I sat and WATCHED IT and took notes and wrote down the disease that Judson had and your website. I had to connect with you and tell you how blessed you are and that I am honored just to be writing on your blog. You two are amazing people. I was also in tears as Hope E above says….and also of pain and joy. God has placed you exactly where you are supposed to be. I’m sure you didn’t see that in the beginning but ..wow, you’re seeing that now, in spades. Best wishes to both of you! God bless you all in everything you do!
Maureen Russell. 🙂
NJ
Mauren… your comment made me smile and cry (in a good way). I love your honesty! Thank you for glimpsing into our world and even wrestling to watch our experience while all the while considering us in the midst. I am so incredibly touched by the way you engaged, wanted to learn more, and took the time to find us and write to us. Your words “God has placed you exactly where you are supposed to be” made me weep but simultaneously infused me with courage…a courage I so often need to keep going. Thank you for being a means by which God is enabling us to press on. Much love to you, Maureen. ~ Christina
Hello Christina,
What a beautiful soul Jud has. He is so pure and innocent. Despite his pain, his smile shows God’s genuine love. You as a mom, and Drake as a dad, are truly wonderful. The way you handled your family crisis was far beyond comprehension. It is evident that God is in the midst of every event in your lives. Your story is very inspiring and gives hope especially to those who are grieving & hopeless.
Thank you for sharing your journey. God made it so because He has greater plans for you & your ministry. You are destined to be one of God’s ambassadors for Christ. Let His will be done.
Btw, we have the same birthday. So cheers to both of us!
Lovingly yours,
Grace H.
Hey I’ve just seen your story and your beautiful family, Jud is such a special little boy and it just broke my heart hearing his story. But one thing is certain , through all your pain your prayers have been answered about Jud toughing people’s hearts , You’ve shown as a family even through pain and heartbreak how much Gods love is abundant , Jud made laugh, smile and cry all in the space of half an hour watching your story on Joyce Meyers programme , I just know even though Jud isn’t here on earth , he will go on and touch people for a very long time to come. I know I can’t understand fully about losing a child but I lost a sibling and fully understand how Juds siater will feel growing up, it’s like losing an arm or leg, theirs always be a piece missing , but keeping with God even in those moments of not ‘feeling it’ he brings comfort and love ,hope and new beginnings , I know only full well after seeing my own brother struggle with a illness and being in my own mess at the time… Having to go and tell my dad Hos son had died after him disowing us for 2 years when my mum left , and dealing with my own break up of a relationship and ending up in debt … I didn’t want to be in this world anymore , I wanted to be with my brother! But thank God he never leaves us and he’s turned my life around abundantly , not without its struggles but the Devil will not win as God had already WON! It Is Finished!! I just know you as a family are going to be so blessed , through God your going to be a comfort to so many people and you have such beautiful memories of your little boy to make you laugh in those sad times! Sending prayers and blessings xxx
L Evans
I watched your story on Joyce Meyer Ministries and cried so long and so hard that you would have thought this was one of my grandchildren. I was drawn to your story over and over and have been following your blog and your journey through the grief that you are experiencing. It has always been my biggest fear to lose a child or a grandchild in this life. Until I read your story I never knew that this disease existed. It is just so heartbreaking and devastating to think that your son Judson at such a tender age had to go through what he did. I pray for you and your family and cling to the promises of God that we will all see our loved ones again in heaven.