Dear family and friends,
We feel deeply the significance of today, exactly 6 months since Judson’s death. We have been living half a year with only shadows of the boy that graced and blessed our lives for almost three. Strangely, there are times it feels as though it was just yesterday that Jud was racing his cars around our home, singing, and laughing, and other days it feels as though decades have separated us from those memories.
Our lives continue to be engulfed by grief. Certainly we are experiencing an increase in moments when joy intermingles with our sorrow, and we are grateful for the reprieve, but if grief comes in waves, this current wave has forcefully pounded us. Furthermore, it is also hard not to see the large swell that is rapidly moving toward us as we approach the anniversary of Jud’s onset of Krabbe (end of May)-a season carrying such painful memories.
Living in a world that isn’t always comfortable with grief continues to be one of my greatest challenges. I must regularly resist the temptation to retreat completely from society-it hurts so much to function as if everything is okay, but this is often necessary.
Admittedly, I fear being overly bleak as I express our journey of emotions today, but Drake reminds me that it is what it is, and part of our road toward healing, as we are reminded in our bereavement counseling, is not only experiencing the pain but also expressing it. And we are so grateful to all who persist in “listening” to us and offering support, in many different ways, as we continue to convey our anguish over the loss of our Jud Bud.
On a brighter note, Jessie lights up our lives in such incredible ways, and were Judson with us today, he would be so proud of his sister and the way she is following in his footsteps while also paving her own.
As our prayers remain filled with lament, we cry out to God to remind us of His character and give us glimpses of His goodness as he stills our souls through our grief and pain.
Christina (on behalf of Drake too)