Judson's Legacy

23 Months Without Jud


Dear family and friends…

As the season is changing—pumpkins displayed in every store, talk of costumes, and the smell of hot cider—the leaves on Judson’s tree are turning brown.  Watching his sycamore slowly lose its foliage seems to aptly reflect the cycle of dying that seems to occur in my heart with the onset of Fall.  The intensity of pain has increased several notches as we are surrounded with seasonal reminders that bring us back to the last weeks with our little man.

It is strange to be one month from the second anniversary of Judson’s death.  What would otherwise be considered a significant amount of time, allowing much to occur—our precious lady growing from a toddler into a little girl, a book on the brink of being published, a documentary in the works, and many more gray hairs—our hearts feel the ache of holding our Jud Bud while he took his last breaths as if it were yesterday.

We feel pressures with the lapse of time, as if we should somehow feel different than we do: both internal and external pressures constantly poking at our tender places, elevating our fears and frustrations.  And it becomes a constant necessity to throw ourselves into the arms of our Heavenly Father, begging him to allow his perspective, and not that of anyone else, to speak loudly into our raw places.

And he does.  He reminds us that he loves us.  He reminds us that we are his.  He reminds us that he is omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, and yet still cares deeply for little ol’ us.  He reminds us that he is enough.  And oh, how we need to be reminded that he is enough!

As we soon enter our third year of living without Jud, after November 7th I expect I will no longer write a Levasheff Update each month, but rather, periodically update when there is new “news” in our lives.  I will continue to regularly write in my “No Artificial Colors or Flavors” blog, which I’ve always intended to be my raw, honest experience of life…in the last two and a half years, my entries have obviously been colored mostly by my journey with Jud, but as time passes I imagine it will morph into other things as well.

Though we ache and cry and continue to groan, we have much to be thankful for.  Our hearts are especially full as we consider the people who have consistently walked with us through the highs, lows, and deeply broken places, even sacrificing their own comfort by personally feeling our pain.  Thank you for filling us up by genuinely caring!

Much love and gratitude,
Christina (on behalf of Drake too)

4 Responses to "23 Months Without Jud"

  1. Marissa says:

    Levasheff family,

    Thinking of you and loving you always, but especially today.


  2. Samanta says:

    Dear Family,
    I’m with you in this new remembrance day, your little Jud Bud and you are in my prayers today.
    A big hug from Samanta.

  3. Denise Spangenberger says:

    Dear Christina,

    I just finished watching the video (for the umpteenth time) of Jud on the main page of Jud’s Story. I guess I’m drawn to it as it gives me a glimpse into the kind of toddler Lucas was. By all accounts, he was bright and articulate as well as entertaining! Kim and JC can’t deal with watching video of *what was* with Lucas while dealing with *what is* and I certainly appreciate and respect their feelings. So in a way, Jud’s video is a way of educating me in just how much Krabbe’s has taken from Lucas and I appreciate you sharing it with us.

    Also, I wanted to let you know that your family is in my prayers as Jud’s ^Angel Day^ approaches.

    Many hugs,
    Denise (Lucas’ Neecie)

  4. Kara Judd says:

    I am so sorry you had to lose your sweet little boy, I have been in tears the entire time, I cannot get over how sweet he is. I have a son named Jason and he is 3 years and 8 months old and my heart just aches for you so much. You seem like such a wonderful caring family. I am not sure why wonderful people have losses but may god bless your family and may Jud always live on in our hearts, and to those I hope you learn that life is not that bad, so many people complain about the little things in life. Well take a step back in life and see this little boy and the pain he went through and the joy he showed all the way till he passed away.

    You should realize that life is what you make it, appreciate what you have, your kids, wife, husband whatever it may be.

    God Bless your family-

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