I returned home from the New York Hunter’s Hope Krabbe Family Symposium this evening and have much to ponder and process after the week, but something that stands out immediately is how significantly different my experience was from last year.
In my day-to-day living it is very difficult to recognize movement in my grief—though there is a natural ebb and flow to my sorrow, this does not necessarily indicate forward movement. And, of course, I desire to be inching ahead.
Interestingly, this week alerted me to just how much I have progressed since my visit to the symposium last year. The basic nature of my grief has not changed, but my capacities to cope and deal with my loss have recognizably grown.
Whereas last year I had no emotional reserves, this year I had some. They may have been limited, but they were there nonetheless.
Whereas last year I had little capacity to engage anyone else, this year I found great pleasure in connecting with others.
Whereas last year I retreated inward, this year I reached out.
Whereas last year I could barely process the information offered, this year I even used some of my own gifts to support the program.
I am still reflecting on all the changes I felt in my heart this week as compared to a year ago, but overall, I was greatly encouraged to observe in myself some symptoms that seem to be indicative of inching forward.