The other day as I was washing dishes alone in the house, I found myself shouting at God, “I don’t feel your love!” In a volcanic outburst, I exclaimed with hot tears of brokenness, “I know you’re loving. I trust that you’re loving. But right now I don’t feel your love! Where are you? Why does life seem unusually hard? Why is it so difficult for me to grasp your love? Why do you feel really distant?” My voice cracked as my cries bounced around the walls of our kitchen. Finally, exasperated by my tears, I flopped onto the couch, leaving the dirty dishes behind.
I trust I’m not the only person who periodically has outbursts with God, just as one might have with a spouse when they’re feeling especially wounded. On this particular day, I felt desperate for God to somehow reach down from heaven and touch me in my broken places.
As I lay on the couch, my chest still heaving from the intensity of my explosive conversation with God, I reached for my phone, wanting to distract myself from my feelings. Noticing a notification for a new email message, I opened my inbox and discovered this note:
Dear Lord Jesus, I pray for Christina today, that she will feel the embrace of your arms. Our savior, please let her feel your presence and that your promise is true for her, that you will be with her every day until the end of the world…Please show her, that you are not distant to how she feels, but so close and so concerned. I remember a video that showed Drake describing Judson as “SO loving”… and if Drake had spoken about you, Jesus, he would surely have said “SO caring about Christina” with the same intensity. But sometimes we need to feel that, Lord, our souls are hungry to feel your touch. Please let Christina have such encounters with you, her healer, her shepherd, in the time to come, and today. Please encourage her with your word today. It may be the tiniest word that sustains her, let her find it…Can you please speak your love “louder” into Christina’s heart therefore so that her heart will be filled with your comfort? Please… Amen.
Love from Germany
This person in Germany, whom I’ve never met, became God’s tool to speak his love directly to my heart—at just the right time—in a sweet, unexpected way.
He hears. He is present. He loves us. Even when it feels like our prayers and cries are just bouncing around the walls of our home.