Judson's Legacy

Fluctuating Feelings

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In preparation for a recent short interview about Judson, I went back and was reading various parts of Eyes that See.  As I was revisiting my own feelings from the most intense and heartbreaking period of my life, I was simultaneously feeling the tensions of my heart in the here and now.

It became apparent to me just how much my feelings toward God fluctuate.  There are times I have felt so grounded in his love while other times my understanding of his care and compassion seem to elude me.  There are times I feel totally hurt and disappointed by him, while other times I am overwhelmed by his blessings and grace.

My feelings toward God fluctuate.

But my feelings in all my deepest relationships fluctuate.  My emotions toward Drake regularly change; I can go from deep gratitude, to anger, to frustration, to disappointment , to contentment, so on and so forth.  If I were to base our relationship solely on my unstable feelings, our marriage would never survive.  When the difficult feelings arise, I find it especially necessary to stay grounded in the truth of our relationship.  I remind myself of Drake’s character.  I reflect on how God brought us together and what he has done in and through our relationship.  I must consider his commitment and faithfulness to me.  I must bear in mind our love that has endured so much and the permanence of our marriage.  I need to focus on the constants that do not shift and change like my vacillating emotions.

I have to do the same in my relationship with God.  It is essential for me to stay grounded in the truth of our relationship as revealed in Scripture.  I must remind myself of God’s character.  I need to regularly reflect on all he has done in my life and in the hearts of others.  It is important for me to consider his commitment to his people along with the ways I have experienced his faithfulness in my own life.  I must bear in mind his enduring love and the permanence of hope stemming from his sacrifice for me.  I need to focus on the constants that do not shift and change like my vacillating emotions.

My feelings toward God fluctuate.  But he does not.  He is unchanging and calls us to remember.  And in our remembering, our floating, drifting emotions, easily moved by the wind, become grounded.

Author: Christina

2 Responses to "Fluctuating Feelings"

  1. Daniel says:

    Suffering from stage 4 prostate cancer abandoned by wife of twenty years and my children. Penniless with looming late mottgage jobless and suffering mental emotional and physical pain. Wife in adultrey how and what to do with God. Lost my faith only to have Him reach out to me holding on latching on stubbornly not letting me go. I understand the vacillation the loneliness the pain the fears the countless sleepless nights screaming out for God. I still struggle Please pray for me

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