At this time last year, I was sitting in the front row of the memorial service for my beloved boy, his small casket just feet in front of me adorned with flowers and surrounded by some of his special toys. Hundreds upon hundreds of people had gathered to memorialize our sweet Judson and were seated behind me, but it was as if I was alone in that room with the mahogany box that carried the frame of my boy. My eyes were transfixed on it.
I had not seen Jud in 5 days and I was desperate for him.
It took every bit of restraint within me to keep from jumping out of my seat, running over to the casket, popping it open, grabbing my boy, and trying to breathe life back into his motionless body. “He’s supposed to live!” I thought. “He’s not supposed to die!”
I stared. I stared at that chest holding the greatest of treasures. I stared, hoping that it wasn’t truly the end, hoping that light would fill the room and Judson would be given life again. Hoping…but all the while knowing that the only illumination to come from that casket was going to be the shininess of the enamel and the brass hardware glistening from the overhead lamps.
Oh you guys~Our hearts literally broke when we saw the picture of your "treasure chest"..and also the one of you and Drake.Drake’s face says it all. I think sometimes we forget the grief of a father.I would have felt the same way you did Christina.I would have wanted to just and open that "chest" up.
I would have wanted to just pick my baby up and run out of there. You two are such an inspiration to Gary and I.There is NO way that we can even begin to comprehend what you two have been gone through. Just please know that we love you!!!!!!
Jean and Gary
Oh Christina,
This post just feels like a knife in my heart for so many reasons. My tears are falling for our children and for us.
xoxo-Sabrina
I know I’m being monotonous, but I miss little Jud! Our little Reid will be 4 on December 29th. We no longer have little Jud to compare him with; no longer a "long distance growing up together."
still weeping,
Jeff
As I packed my belongings for an annual family trip, I was struck as I grabbed my seldom used camcorder. I remembered that last year was the first time I ever packed it. We had just said goodbye to Judson, and my family had watched many, many videos that captured his brief life on earth. I realized I hadn’t captured my children’s life in that way, and I swore to learn from you (that was one of a thousand ways I’ve learned from you). We are packing our sadness too, remembering the grief we carried with us on this trip last year. We miss Jud. I am so struck by your God-given capacity to revisit these photos, your reminder to us all that this treasure, once filled in an earthen vessel, is now your most precious treasure stored in heaven…hanging with his bud John and waiting to pounce through that grass and welcome you.
Drake and Christy,
The photo says it all . . . my heart aches for you . . . aunt sue
It really is the cruelest of realities…the looks on your faces speak volumes. I am so sorry.
xo Cath
Oh how wish that things would have turned out differently for you too. I prayed and truly believed along with you for Jud’s healing and my heart broke when I read about his passing last year. My heart still aches for your loss even now.