Judson's Legacy

Six Years Without Jud

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Dear Judson,

Life without you is now my familiar (just the idea of that is so crushing) and yet everything about living without you feels foreign, something to which I cannot become accustomed.

When you died six years ago the world didn’t notice.  Everything kept moving as if nothing had happened. You weren’t a famous or noteworthy figure, you hadn’t accomplished anything extraordinary in this world, you were just a little boy, not even yet three.

I remember stepping outside our home on November 7th, 2007, the day you died, only to discover that the park across from our door was filled with laughter, excitement, and play. How could this be? I thought. I wanted to scream, My son just died! It felt like the world should have stopped, that everyone should have known the gift of life that had just left this earth. But they didn’t know…they didn’t know you existed, much less that you were gone. So the world kept moving, without noticing, without even a pause.

But not for me. My heart was torn in two. You are part of me. Part of me died that day. It has been six years since you breathed your last breath and I am still not accustomed to your death. I never will be. You are my boy and you mean everything to me, Judson. The world may not have noticed your death, but the significance of losing you does not diminish.

I miss you. I miss you with an ache that is unending, a hunger that is insatiable, and a thirst that can’t be quenched.

My comfort comes from knowing you are home, from knowing you are whole, from knowing you are held by the hands that made this world.

I long to be home too. I long to be whole. I long to be held by the hands that made this world. And I long to hold you.

I love you, Judson. I love you so much and miss you with every fiber of my being.

Just a few more weary days,
Mommy

As I was writing my letter to Jud, Jessie decided to write him a letter too…

Dear Judson,

I miss you so much.  I wish Emma and Sarah could meet you.  I wish I could play with you.

I love you so much. I love the kisses you give me. I wish you could come see the movie Planes with us. I’ll know you’re watching from Heaven the whole entire time.

I hope you get my letter of love.

Love,
Jessie

Author: Christina 

5 Responses to "Six Years Without Jud"

  1. Amity Benavides says:

    Hi Christina,
    I just received the email about the new Judson’s Legacy website and so I clicked on it to check it out, and your blog.
    Tears are flowing just reading this post. I remember delivering Christmas cookies to your home a few days before Christmas that year, and you told me then about Judson’s passing. I was completely heartbroken for your family. I will always remember that evening, and how as your neighbor, it felt so terrible not even knowing what you guys had been going through, just two doors down from us. It is something I will never forget, and although I never really got to know Judson, we will always remember him and your family! I admire your strength, and Drake’s as well, and your ministry!! Love and prayers to you both, to Jessie and also to the rest of your family!

  2. Christina says:

    Amity…I will never forget the day you brought cookies by our home that Christmas. Thank you for caring and for following our journey ever since. You may not have known what was happening two doors down at the time, but you have certainly been a dear “neighbor” (though we no longer live near each other) ever since. It means so much to us! I hope you and yours are well.

  3. Sarah Hudson says:

    Judson’s life and passing still speaks to me and I’ve never met him.
    May the peace of God fill your hearts and minds this holiday season and the days to follow.
    Love,
    Sarah Hudson

  4. Melinda says:

    I remember seeing your story years ago, when I who also have a Judson who was serving in the iraq
    now today reading and seeing your Judson again, makes my heart sad , he is with his lord and savior, but my
    sadness is I have a 12 yr old and I cant seem to get him to see too be kind in all thing of his life, not that
    hes mean but it all about him or nothing. My Judson is 27 now with 3 children and his 5 yr old daughter
    has authisum he is the greatest Dad ever. Peace be with you and your family. I glad for you site its nice
    to see it over and over again. thank you Judson

  5. Nicole Rodgers says:

    What a wonderful tribute (this website) to your son. May the Lord Bless your family and keep all of you safely in his arms.

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