Judson's Legacy

None

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In three months we will reach two years since Judson completed his journey on earth, yet I still find myself disillusioned by the loss.  It is not that I remain confounded by Judson’s absence—sadly, the lack of his presence has now become a way of life for me—it is that I remain disillusioned by the permanence of his absence.

Jud is actually gone FOR GOOD?  My boy is DEAD, like really DEAD?  He will NEVER walk this broken earth again?  I won’t EVER see, touch, hear, smell, or chat with him even once more during my lifetime? 

I continue to long for just a taste of my little Buddy Boo…just one little taste.  Just one little smile.  Or just one little peek into his eyes.  Or just one little echo of his growing voice.  Or just one little touch of his hand in my mine.  Or just one little interaction with his sister. 

Just one?  I can’t have just one?  It doesn’t seem that unreasonable!?

NONE.

One little moment with my Jud Bud will continue to elude me while I journey through this life. 

I am left with NONE.

It is this realization that makes the hope of heaven an enduring fixture in my mind.  When glory is revealed, NONE will forever disappear as the one moment for which I long is multiplied by eternity.

But for now, this broken mom is disillusioned by the separation that equates to NONE.

7 Responses to "None"

  1. debbie mceachern says:

    I read a book about a family who lost a little girl to cancer. The brother cried and thought she would come back. It prepared me for these feelings and I must say that even knowing this is childish and impossible I still plead with God to give my son back. I would change his name and it would be our little secret. Thank you for sharing those same thoughts. We are normal.

  2. Stephanie Bonomo says:

    Christina,

    You bare your heart and soul for all to read. You inspire me daily. Your words are so pure and honest. There are many times when I am feeling lost and confused and I read your blog and you bring clarity to my world. I know you keep this blog for yourself, your family and Judson, but I thank you for making it public for all to see. You are an amazing women!!

    Stephanie
    http://www.kennedybonomo.blogspot.com

  3. Kari Ellis says:

    Our hearts are humbled as we ache for your loss. I appreciate that you share so difficult of a journey. Many, many prayers for God’s strength, comfort, hope – whatever it is you need in each moment, as only He knows – as you wait for your reunion with your son.

    Tim and Kari Ellis

  4. Kelly says:

    Christina-

    As I read your latest entry, I couldn’t help the tears that ran down my face. Though I can’t explain it precisely, my heart felt a certain heaviness that I had not know before…Sensing that, I was pouring out my heart to the Lord for you, Drake

  5. Kelly says:

    (the rest of my comment to you was erased accidentally…) I poured out my heart to the Lord for you, Drake, and Jessie. Sacrificially, you have saved us from making the mistake of letting time slip out from underneathe us…Love deeply, listen intently, capture every moment, hold their little hands longer, cherish every single second. Thank you for your honesty. I wish I could give you a hug.

  6. Samanta says:

    Christina,
    I’d like to give you a thousand words of comfort, but I know they wouldn’t be enough to ease your pain. I want you to know that I’m thinking of you and your family since the moment Jud’s story came into my life…and I simply admire your strength and courage to go on. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings…
    Sending to you all my love and support,

    Samanta xxx

  7. Jean and Gary Butler says:

    Oh Christina~All we can say is that we so love you guys!!!!!! Rest in the Lord hon…HE’s right there with you…listening….loving….and comforting.
    Love and hugs~Jean and Gary

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