Judson's Legacy

My Release

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Little did I realize when I signed the contract for Judson’s story to be published that the imminent book release would be both a literal and figurative release.

As Eyes that See is, in the literal sense, being released for public consumption, I have become notably aware of how putting our precious little boy’s story out there for the world to read, newly exposes our family to misperceptions, criticism, and false impressions.  In baring our souls, we have left the door open for people to be critical: whether it be disapproval over medical decisions, or our theology, or our hope for healing, or our parenting, or even our intent with the book — we are freshly susceptible.  I feel a new and profound vulnerability, like I am naked in my most raw, broken places.

Additionally, this book is likely the most tangible legacy of Judson’s life and as much as we try to curb our expectations for the book we are also at risk for disappointment and discouragement.  It is hard not to want God to put Eyes that See in the hands of many, as if more sales somehow reflects the degree to which God is working through the life of our son.  I regularly fight this mindset.

Yet, on the flipside, the release of this book is like giving anyone and everyone the opportunity to reach out and touch our beloved little guy.  I feel protective of Jud.  I want to hold him close, like the picture above, and tuck him in my arms where he is protected and secure.

Strangely, I think these very real feelings of vulnerability are exactly where God wants me as we move forward with the book release.  It is, in fact, these emotions that are causing me to constantly be reminded that this is God’s story, we are simply participants in it, and we have been called to this path.  The Lord has clearly been orchestrating everything with the book to this point, and I must trust him, no matter what he chooses to do.  Furthermore, whether a handful of people read it, or a huge number, is in no way indicative of the value of Judson’s life and story.  Lastly, I am again reminded that Judson is not ours, he was simply entrusted to our care, and God is asking us, once more, to surrender our boy, to walk with open arms for God to use Judson however he chooses…we just need to be faithful.

Consequently, I am experiencing a figurative release of the book.

In the picture above, Judson was incredibly vulnerable.  The photo was actually taken the day doctors told us he had a leukodystrophy and was facing imminent death.  In addition, he had endured a spinal tap that afternoon, leaving him exhausted.  All Jud wanted to do was crawl into my lap to be held.

Like my Jud Bud, I am feeling vulnerable and depleted.  I think all God wants me to do is crawl into his lap to be held.

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Eyes that See Update

  • APRIL 6th—the official release!
  • We just started a Twitter account for STORY of JUDSON.   Follow STORYofJUDSON on Twitter
  • ChristianBookNotes.com has now decided to dedicate next week to the promotion of Eyes that See.  Monday they will post their Eyes that See book review.  Tuesday they will post Part 1 of our interview.  Wednesday they are offering a book giveaway.  Thursday they will post Part 2 of our interview.  Hope you’ll check it out!
  • There is still time to participate in the book giveaway on Judson’s Facebook fan page.  We would be grateful for your support!  Click here for more details.
  • For all who got a pre-release copy of Eyes that See, you will be able to post a review on Amazon and/or Barnes & Noble starting April 6th.

11 Responses to "My Release"

  1. kari says:

    I just sat here, staring at this picture…there are no words. I love you.

  2. Rebekah says:

    There are no words to adequately describe your photo. Heart-breaking, stirring, loving… but words cannot express its content.

    Your post was profound and just "right on". It really made me think.

    I join with you in excitement over this precious legacy of Judson’s, but I have to agree… this is just all in the Lord’s hands, as it has always been, and Judson is and will be a blessing, just as he has always been.

    I hope you are able to relax and rest in the comforting arms of God, and just soak in His love.

  3. Hi Christina,

    I am always so in awe of you and your willingness to share your heart with anyone who wants to. I’m not sure how anyone can read one single word about Judson and not fall completely in love with him-and with your whole family. I only know you through your written word and completely love and adore all of you. Judson captured my heart from the moment I first learned about him. I don’t know how anyone can look at the cover of your book and not fall head over heels!

    Judson’s life has already touched so many and I know my life has never been the same because of him. I’m always praying for you all!!

    Lot of love,
    Sandy

  4. Christina~You are so loved by so many.You are a BLESSING to us. All we can say is….we love you!!!!
    Love and hugs~
    Jean and Gary

  5. Amy Moore says:

    Christina..
    I just look at this picture and tears stream down my face.You are such a loving and caring momma..God Bless you all.

  6. Denise says:

    Christina–Just continue to follow your heart and God’s leading. Your family is an inspiration to so many and we have come to love all of you through your writing. Wishing you a Blessed Easter!

  7. Darlene says:

    Christina,

    Just by looking at this picture tears began to stream down my face and I could feel the strength of love even in my own heart. As you look,you can tell how much Judson and his mommy loved each other.

    Judson looks comfortable knowing he had the protection and love he was looking for right there in your arms,as you at the same time was feeling the love you shared with your son by giving him the protection only a mother could give to her child.

  8. Name Sue H says:

    I am so sorry about people’s criticism toward you and your family. We who know you and your family have witnessed the profound sorrow and strength you exhibited the entire time. I was so moved by your book Christina. You are a very talented writer. I wrote to Oprah about your book because I think your message is so inspiring. I keep Jud’s picture on my dresser at home and I love to look at his little smiley face and think of him.

  9. Jenny says:

    We love you both and will be praying this week!!

  10. Samanta says:

    I totally agree with you, Christina… mixed emotions about Juddy reaching out many more hearts and the possibility of criticism and negative comments about your faith and your son’s medical treatments. But as you have said… the Lord has placed you right here and wanted the book to be a reality… He knows why he does things this way… Judson IS such a blessed boy that have to be known everywhere! People will surely love Jud instantly as well as his family!!!
    About the picture, I can only say it shows LOVE, the most genuine love between a mother and a son.
    With love,
    Samanta

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