Judson's Legacy

Measure of Grace

Pour Out

It was around this time two years ago that I stumbled upon the blog of a woman whose baby boy was in the hospital battling for his life due to Shaken Baby Syndrome caused by the sitter.  As I read her words I began sobbing uncontrollably, her pain unimaginable to me.  I remember audibly saying as I sat on our bathroom floor with a tissue in hand, “God, how could anyone endure that kind of pain?  I cannot even fathom her heartache.  I could never survive anything like that!”

Meanwhile, it was around the exact same time that Judson had begun stumbling a little bit, his balance appearing to be slightly off; it was nothing alarming, just barely noticeable.  “Must be a growth spurt,” I thought to myself.  Little did I know my journey of heartache, just like the woman I had discovered online, had already begun.

I certainly never would have believed that I could endure the suffering and loss of a child.  Undoubtedly, something so awful was sure to destroy me.

But here I sit today, on the cusp of having lived 2 years into this journey, this long, arduous, painful journey, and it has not destroyed me.

How is this possible?

When I stumbled upon that blog at the end of May two years ago, the measure of God-given grace bestowed upon me, though more than adequate for that season of my life, was not sufficient enough to see me through the experience of losing Judson.  However, with each passing day as our circumstances intensified, God was pouring out his grace upon us in proportion to our need. 

I have become convinced that the Lord provides us with a measured offering of grace based on what our circumstances require.  We can be confident that whatever is before us, our Father will extend to us the grace necessary to endure.

I just want to make certain I never reject the gift being offered me.

4 Responses to "Measure of Grace"

  1. Dorci says:

    That last sentence is key, Christina. It seems odd that we would even think of rejecting the gift of grace that God would give us during a trial, but I know that there have been times in my grief that I’ve done that very thing. The constant pain can cause my heart to grow scar tissue over it and that builds a wall between God’s grace and those secret places of my heart. But I’m learning to grow in grace and allow God to love me through the pain. I pray you will always continue to do so, as well.

    God bless you today!
    Dorci

  2. Elizabeth says:

    As you are clinging to God’s grace, know that you are being a solid witness to those around you of unbreakable trust. Thank you for allowing me to personal grow by learning from your unending love for His amazing grace!

  3. Jean and Gary Butler says:

    Oh Christina~I was just thinking of the words to a song…"Grace, Grace,perfect grace….oh the gift of God’s love". There are so many ways that we "grow" in God’s grace…some not the way we want…but nevertheless we grow. You are an amazing wife, mother, and friend….and we are so blessed to have you in our life!!!!!
    We so love you~
    Jean and Gary

  4. Danielle Jones says:

    Praise God that he has given you guys this measure of grace! In the midst of the most excruciating suffering and the unthinkable loss of Jud, this is what is beautiful…seeing God’s grace and power to sustain you, watching you never stop seeking Him even when nobody would blame you if you didn’t. Testifying of His love and grace before all who will read… When I see you being God’s people in all of this it increases my faith. It makes me fall more in love with Jesus. It is truly beautiful. Praise be to God, the giver of this Grace!

    Love you guys so much!
    Danielle

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