Judson's Legacy

Forever

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June 24, 2011

Dear Judson,

It’s your half-birthday.  It’s hard to believe you’ve been a part of our lives for six and a half years now and yet most of that time we’ve been worlds apart.  I often feel like I don’t even know you anymore, and the thought tears me up inside.  Yet, despite the obscurity that has arisen from the distance between us, my love does not wane, it does not diminish…it only grows.  You’re my son!  Just as it is with any parent, my love is not dependent on who you are or what you become…my love is ever-present simply because you are my boy—you are a part of me!

And I am constantly missing part of me.  I miss you like crazy, Jud Bud.  But your absence doesn’t keep us from celebrating you, from celebrating your beautiful life.

It was such a special gift to discover that the movie Cars 2 was being released on your half-birthday—it felt like a little whisper of love from God.  We gathered with family for dinner, had cake and cupcakes in your honor, sang “Happy Birthday” to you, had your sister and cousins blow out the candles, and then watched the film together.  Meanwhile, during the entire movie, I held a new Matchbox car in my hand in your honor, playing with the wheels, as I imagined you might have done, were you to be sitting there next to me.

Oh how I long for you to be sitting next to me.  Sometimes I can practically feel your presence as I imagine you beside me.  Other times it is as though your face is veiled, your voice is muffled, and I cannot feel you.

I want to feel you, Juddy.  I want to feel you again with my fingertips and run my hands through your hair.  I want to see your eyes look directly into mine with your smile that is like no other.  I know these longings will go unsatisfied for the rest of my life…

But not forever.

 I’m banking on forever.  I’ve put all my cards and all my stock into forever.  If I don’t have forever, then I have nothing.  Forever gives me hope.

And hope comes from God, the author of forever—the one who invites us, through his Son, into forever.

You have forever, Judson.  I take solace everyday in the fact that you have forever, without the worries and pains of this world, you have forever with the One you love.

And each day leads me closer to forever too.

Until then, my heart is filled with you!

All my love,
Mommy

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7 Responses to "Forever"

  1. Cathy Wong says:

    Christina,

    Touching and beautiful letter to Jud. Reading this brought tears to my eyes.

  2. Anna says:

    This brought tears to my eyes. Happy Birthday to Judson and may God’s grace keep sustaining you until you’re reunited with him.

  3. aunt sue says:

    Blessings Christy, Drake and Jessie,

    Amen Christina! Forever is our Hope. Jesus is our Hope. Heaven is our Hope. And it is real. Can’t wait . . .

    Jessie, you are getting to be such a young lady. Miss you . . .

    Christy, have you read Heaven Is For Real by Todd Burpo?

    Love you all, aunt sue

  4. Jessica says:

    Judson is forever a blessing that has touched my life. I am privileged enough to have known him.
    Thank you for the beautiful words and continuing to show your genuine emotions during this life long process.
    I look forward to the day of seeing Judson again.

  5. Blessings to you and your family.

  6. Angie Green says:

    May remembering and celebrating your precious son bring you an extra measure of God’s comfort, hope and healing. Thanking God for the gift of Judson to you all – what a beautiful boy!

    Love, Blessings and Hugs, Angie

  7. Oh Christina~Your letter was so beautiful…you will be with Juddie FOREVER someday. If I get there first, I’ll give him lots of hugs and kisses from mommy…I promise!!!!!

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